Week 59 – We Wait

I type this from a dark room lit only by this computer screen and the underwater sea life-themed projection revolving overhead.  By request, Andrew Peterson sings from the speakers and a very tired almost 4-year old (1 month from today!) whispers approximately every other word.  Foam plane in hand, though he stills slightly more with each passing song, the pillow placed to keep him secure is struck with an unceasing barrage of dive bombs attacks.

Saturday’s blood results confirmed Brouwer’s low hemoglobin recorded the preceding Wednesday.  Platelets also came in flat from Wednesday, still in the mid 50 thousands.  As of Saturday, platelets have not lifted past that point for 31 days.  Brouwer’s energy roller coasters but is undoubtedly lower than his norm.  He upsets easily and though still wonderful in every way, isn’t quite himself.

So, we wait.


In case you did catch it – big news noted above – Brouwer turns 4 on November 13th.  When with all sincerity you’ve asked aloud how many days you have left each passing birthday is truly is joyous milestone.  One more month and we mark off the completion of a year we thought we might not have.

So, we wait.


Early this year Ginger and I started to hold serious conversations about having more children.  Brouwer and Banner were born almost exactly two years apart and so, if we cared to keep that pattern, well, it was time.  But Brouwer’s tumor was growing at a 30% clip with each passing 3-month MRI.  We feared the worst and tried to prepare for it.  So, after much discussion and prayer we decided to put off having another likely redhead until Brouwer stabilized.

A few short weeks later we learned that we were to expect #3 in late November.

So, we wait.


A close friend’s grandmother, 93 years old, passed this past week.  My mind immediately thinks of my grandma, 59 years young, who slipped into the arms of her Savior back when I was just 12 years old.  Her maiden name was “Brouwer”.

At her wake a simple sign beckoned the mourner, “Be still . . . and know the wonder of Easter.”

So, we wait.




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  1. Praying for patience and strength as you wait. It’s such a hard thing to wait when it’s not part of our plans, but God always has a reason for it and teaches us through those times of life. We believe that God will bring those blood counts back to the higher level to begin the next round!
    Blessings to your whole family!

  2. Waiting is a theme of Scripture. I grew up with the metrical Psalms which remain a source of the greatest comfort.

    I waited for the Lord my God,
    and patiently did bear.
    At length to me he did incline
    my voice and cry to hear.

    We wait with you.

  3. Why is it always in the darkness that we feel most vulnerable? Why is it always at night we feel helpless? Scared? Defeated? The dark makes us feel undone, tired and weak.
    The darkness of night always awakens into the light each morning. God’s love is that light and He chases away the darkness each and every day. He is stronger than the darkness…every single day.
    Those are good words to ponder and remember from your Grandma’s wake.
    “Lord, You are my portion
    and my cup of blessing;
    You hold my future.

    I will praise the Lord who counsels me—
    even at night my conscience instructs me.

    I keep the Lord in mind always.
    Because He is at my right hand,
    I will not be shaken.”
    ~~Psalm 16:5, 7-8

  4. I know the hemoglobin and platelets are not what we want, but chemo does that. It is supposed to do that. I believe in my heart that B-man is going to get through this, and come out on the other side as an example of god’s grace and an example to us of the power of prayer, and to never give up . I know his parents won’t. Thank GOD .

  5. Just beautiful Dan. You have such a gift with words. I admire your faith and your fortitude. Your grandma’s sign reminded me of one of my favorite verses: “He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.””
    ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭46:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

    Waiting with you, and keeping you all close in our prayers.


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